


Hey Again Chloe

by xtina592



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game), pricefield - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Post-Save Arcadia Bay Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24779860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtina592/pseuds/xtina592
Summary: Max is having a tough day without her best friend, so she returns to their bench at the lighthouse to talk to Chloe.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price
Kudos: 7





	Hey Again Chloe

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of a follow up to my other piece called "Hey Chloe", but it's not exactly a true sequel. That one ended on a more hopeful note, and while in my head cannon I do think Max will be able to still move forward with her life and find happiness again, I also think that she's going to have a lot of really hard days ahead of her before she finds that happiness. So this is her just venting and expressing more of those negative emotions that come with the fallout of her decision to save Arcadia Bay. And thank you to anyone who reads this!

Hey again Chloe.  
So, funny story, but I was just in my dorm doing homework and I had the radio playing. A Pisshead song came on, and instead of smiling at the thought of you jamming out to it that one day in your truck when we were on our way to see Frank at the beach, I started tearing up. You know that feeling when you feel like your eyes are just about to burst like waterfalls, and you’ve gotta scramble to think of something else so you don’t completely lose it? I tried, Chloe, I really did. But nothing came to mind. The only thought I was able to form was how we only ever went to one concert together, but it should have been more. And yes, I know I’m responsible for the 5 year hiatus, but I just feel such a crushing sadness when I think about how we’re never truly gonna be able to make up that lost time. And then I got thinking of everything else we’re never going to be able to do together. Even if I meet someone down the road who I feel like could really change my life, it won’t be you. It’ll be something completely different than what we had, but my problem is that right now all I want is you.  
I know you’re with me, I feel that in my bones. But the reality is that I’m still so alone. I’m not saying any of this to hurt you or make you feel guilty. I accept the decision I made and I understand that this is my new reality. But if I tell anyone else what I’m feeling I know they’re gonna tell me that it’s been too soon and I can’t possibly expect to feel anything close to normal at this point in time. Or they’ll tell me I’ll find someone else and make new friends. And those are the last things I want to hear right now. I know about the five stages of grief, and who the hell knows what stage I’m at right now, but I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to completely let go of this overwhelming sadness. Hell, it could be 50 years from now and I could hear that same Pisshead song and just start bawling like a baby and think about how you and I never got to make any more memories after our erased week.  
Dammit Chloe, why couldn’t you stay? Why did it come down to me choosing between you and the town? How the hell is anyone supposed to make that kind of choice without feeling like absolute shit afterwards? If I saved you, I would have doomed hundreds of people to their death. But I didn’t save you, I saved an entire town and now it feels like the only one I hurt is me. Geez, how selfish am I? I can hear how it sounds, like I’m trying to compare my happiness to countless innocent lives.  
You know that thing about a runaway train and how you’d have to pick which lever to pull so the tracks would lead to either a group of people or just one person? Of course the majority of people would choose to have the train go to the one person, ‘save the lives of many’ and all that. But what that moral dilemma doesn’t mention is how awful you feel afterwards letting anyone’s death be on your hands, whether it’s a group of people or just one person. And forget about if that person is your best friend in the entire fucking world. Pretty much game over at that point when it comes to your own happiness. And I’ve realized I’m not even able to process the fact that people like Kate or Ms. Grant are alive because of me. I’m too busy wallowing in the fact that they’re here and you’re not. But then I try to imagine how I’d feel if I chose differently. Yes I’d have you, and right now that’s the only thing I want, but how would I even be able to get out of bed every morning, knowing that I had that much blood on my hands? So I was pretty much fucked either way.  
Ugh, I’m sorry for being so depressing. Some days it’s just too hard to focus on something other than the pain, and I just don’t have the strength to fight it. I have to believe that we’ll be together again one day, but until that day comes I know there’s gonna be a lot of tears shed and a lot more days like today. I just feel so damn lost and have absolutely no idea how I’m supposed to go on without you. I want to do right by you and live for the both of us, I really do. And I swear I’m trying my best, but I just need to get over this giant hurdle, and right now I’m not sure I’m strong enough to face it. Just please be with me Chloe, please give me some kind of sign that you’re with me. I think I can do it so long as you’re right by my side.  
I love you so much, talk again soon.


End file.
